Vain Hope

No, I should have not.

No, I should not.

No, I would not.

I wish I did not care much

I wish I did not confess to him

I wish I did not learn to love

I wish I did not fake a smile

I wish I did not sacrifice times

I wish I did not expect surprises

I wish I did not wait for a sight

I wish I did not sing a song

I wish I did not play my piano

I wish I did not cancel a meeting

I wish I did not offer a help

I wish I did not invite him

I wish I did not wish

8 Dreams of Happiness

Like most female teens out there,

I want to enjoy quality-time with friends.

Like most dramas in the list,

I want to be treated specially with a rose.

Like most couples in the movie,

I want to find one that can be happy with me.

Like most candle light dinners next to the sea,

I want to wear a beautiful gown to accompany one.

Like most photos in the gallery,

I want to smile next to someone I love.

Like most pages in the diary,

I want to have wonderful memories everyday.

Like most families in the residence,

I want to have a sweet relationship with everybody.

Like most loves in this world,

I want to love someone honestly.

One thing.

One thing i love the most about you

is that you tell me what is wrong with me.

You tell me the truth that i am wrong

and i have to change to be better.

One thing i love the most about you

is that you carry out new ambiance in my life.

I feel no fear anymore to move on

though life is getting harder day by day here.

One thing i love the most about you

is that you lift me up when i am down.

Not to make me feel superior

but to make me feel stronger.

One thing i love the most about you

is that you never look down on me.

You do care on what i do not have

and support me to do more than the past.

One thing i love the most about you

is that you have always been confident.

You teach me how to fight against our weakness

though million people judge you so badly.

One thing i love the most about you

is that you show honesty in all you do.

I was once afraid to reveal who i am

yet you remind me to be who i am.

One thing i love the most about you

is that you do what you say.

Words can be wiser than deeds

but deeds need no caption to explain.

One thing i love the most about you

is that you know more than i know.

I know how to make my life simple

but you know how to make my life complete.

Joyful Days

I have never felt such beautiful feelings lately.

He came to support me as a friend.

I would like to say.

I was happy with you.

I am happy with you.

Thank you for these joyful days.

May you always be one of the reasons.

Leaving the X

When it was my first year,

I thought I would be living in the X until the end of my campus life.

Thank you for giving me those memories.

These 3 years, though it has to be ended with an unfair way,

I am grateful. Not really. Yet, I have to be.

I have been living here for 3 years.

What else could I give except my loyalty?

I have tried to give my best.

Ended up without an explanation.

It is okay, friends.

I hope that our lives can be better.

No. I am not going to keep any grudge on any of you.

I love you all.

Again,

I thank God for your presence in my life.

Goodbye.

Lay your head on me.

Months have been passed through.

I am grateful to be here today, to testify the fact that I am still okay.

Not to change a mind of theirs, but to deliver the truth.

Being occupied for almost one year with this roller-coaster-feeling.

A patience has to come along with a maturity.

Why did they argue too much?

Why did they complaint like there has never been a right?

Am I right?

Am I wrong?

Got to relax and think about it deeper.

Underneath the feeling of anxiety, there must be a bravery.

Though sometimes, or let us just say most of the time,

the feeling of sadness loves to come along with that moment.

They shouted on me, "Say what you need to say."

Should I?

I am okay to understand all these things from my eyes.

Yet, I believe there is something bigger than all of these tremendous feelings.

I only know a little piece of it.

Thus, I know I can count on someone.

He said, "Lay your head on me."

Thank you.

She left me.

In the midst of her despair, she wanted no body to ignore her.

She put her hands up, not for anyone to turn round.

Today she is wondering why.

It was not a bad day though.

She spent her day happily, yet ended up perfectly unhappy.

Got to flash back to those old memories, nothing popped up.

She told me that I should just remain as if nothing happened.

I would question, why is she wondering?

She laid down on her bed and took a blanket over her body.

That warm temperature of the room kept her well.

She was afraid that she might collapse.

Her look was just so blue.

I asked her one more thing.

She did not answer.

I asked her the second time.

She left me.

com-pa-nion

That day when you were alone, everybody was leaving.

She believed that someone would come to her side.

She denied it eventually.

Most of her days were spectacularly fine.

Her surroundings were decent.

What if that 'most' may leave a few days?

***

She is a strong girl.

I doubt that she may become super solo after all.

Not a bit though, not even a single day.

Every minute was spent without concerning about the future.

Or perhaps, without a memory.

So hard to describe.

I begged her to stop showing that innocent expression.

She is just too stubborn.

She is dumb.

Completely lost in her own mind.

***

Even when she has to write down some words,

she is lying to me.

When will this be ended up?

***

The first question is,

"Does she need a companion?"

***

It could be a 'no' for a situation.

Or a 'yes' for a condition.

On the Rainy Sunday.

That sounds so wrong.

The rain falls as the day ends.

Melodies bring out the smile and how you give me the dream.

"Say something I'm giving up on you and I will swallow my pride.

 And I am saying goodbye, you are the one that I love.

Say something that I'm giving up on you, I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.

 Anywhere I would have followed you, say something I'm giving up on you."

Say Something - A Great Big World ft. Christina Aguilera

I am happy

Here I am standing next to the photo we took together.

When was the last time you smiled to my eyes?

You hugged me in the dark.

I was freezing inside this deep love.

Was once a traveler through the waves of ocean, 

not to mention the wind though.

Let us burn them all.

Burn them all.

Burn them all.

Burn them all.

Bury them all.

Bury them all.

I am happy now.

Three Little Words

Those may not be empty.

The shades of the perfect memories were once beautiful.

No light?

***

This is a story for him.

The one created to fill the emptiness.

Tears were left there alone.

Dreams have no place to rest.

***

Pieces are broken.

Yet, life keeps going.

Pray for a better you.

The man next to the street.

Do you remember the crossing line next to the coffee shop?

I was looking at that when you hugged me for the first time.

Well, not officially hugging me, but yeah. What can I say.

That moment when everything felt like time could never tick anymore.

It was crazy. No, I was crazy.

***

Almost a year had passed.

I thought life would get better.

How are you now?

Are you okay there?

I do not want to care though.

Or, perhaps a bit.

I remember the last sentence that you mentioned in our last second of call.

It did hurt me so bad. You knew already that my love language is gift.

Yet, why?

Why did you even dare to say that one sentence to me?

I was speechless right after hanging up the phone.

The worst set of feelings in my life are 

to be left behind, unappreciated, and forgotten.

***

I am fine now.

Yes, definitely fine.

They said life is today.

This day is a clear memory.

I ran a day without a dream.

I forgot that I have left someone yesterday.

***

I have finished my meal.

So done with all sweats and complaints.

Have you ever felt this?

Climbing to the top of the mountain, but never fall.

Once you fall, you will never climb up anymore.

I thought it is common, yet not.

***

They said life is today.

Hopefully everything will be good.

Happy Tuesday.

Walking Away

"And I know you'll find someone who

gives you the time I didn't give to you.

I'm running low.

I'm sorry but I have to go.

It may be I who never feel

You gave me something so real

I'm sorry but I have to go."

- Running Low by Shawn Mendes

***

Perhaps he is running low.

However, it is true that it is me who is walking away.

I never count on how many days I have spent with him.

My friends said that sometimes, or probably most of the time, I created a bad decision to leave everything for him. Yet, I am okay. I am fine. I finished everything quickly just to meet him. I did it again and again. I cancelled a lot of appointments. For him.

No. I am not a caring woman. He is right.

I did nothing for him.

So right now I am walking away.

And never coming back.

***

For sure.