It's been 2 years now, the life has changed.

"Perhaps a so-called 25-crisis was real..."

Hi! I have been doing quite good recently and alive indeed. Thank God for that. 

2 years have past, almost 3 years I believed. 

I have moved on from the ungrateful past, the toxic relationships, and the nonstop working days. Love how things are doing now. I started to live independently in a rent unit, one and half years already. It felt so lonely at first, but I got used to it quite fast. In fact, my health has been better both physically and mentally. I finished my therapy (or half-finished) and I started to spend more time with my friends and my significant other. More gathering, more spending for the things that I have been craving of. Well yeah, I have one important person now. He is super caring and extremely kind to the extent that I become calmer day by day because of him. So thankful for his companion in all my ups-and-down.

What about my weekdays. 

What about it? Not much expectation, at least no more. Can you imagine everyday you wake up only to be able to voice out your concern without having the control of what the ends will be. Yes, pretty much a daily routine that has no sparks in it even once in a while. Nothing inspiring and nobody cares. Yet somehow I am still here, drawing lines in my calendar hoping that one day I can get a new canvas with a whole new supporting family. But not so short, some dreams just got to wait a lil'longer.   

Hello 2024. 

Hello new year! Just when I thought about making a resolution list, this idea popped up that I still have this blog which has been outdated for years. Oh, poor you. But don't worry, I am here to let you know that my resolution list is still the same since 20 years back: becoming more discipline. I mean.. what else is better that that.

1. Wake up early at 6am. 2 hours for a morning routine: 1hr for shower & skincare, 1hr for breakfast & Netflix/game. Sorry, but I still love games.  
2. Resume my def-cal diet. Yes, I have lost 10kg in 3 months without killing myself slowly. Breakfast drink, lunch meal, and dinner drink. Let's continue to reduce it 5kg more before I leave for a ski trip (olala). 
3. Office focus from 9am to 7pm. 10 hours should be enough for a day. Nothing more please. Thus I have to focus myself in the office with my loaded work (yet such a routine). 9-12 work, 12-2 break, 2-7 work.
4. Gym night at 9pm. Let's not waste the gym membership any longer. Time to wrap it off with a good fit just after I finish my dinner and me-time after office. 2-3 times a week should be okay. 
5. Sleep at 12am. No longer than 1am, because I gotta wake up at 6am again.

Hope everyone gets their resolution list realized, and happy new year fellas! 

Till I tell the world how life has been

"Hi, how are you?"
A shallow question that everybody would ask without having to mean it.

"Good! Thanks"
Not even an inch of honesty from a thousand miles of truth

For some days are hard to tell, and emotions are too deep to unveil.
Let the world be quiet and silenced.

Till I tell the world how life has been.

Could someone understand?

Lost of words and expressions.

An Hour of Despair

That night she took a walk,

alone under the dark night sky.

Nothing went over her head,

only a buzz of ways to make the thing real.

She took a left path,

then she stopped and turned around. 

She took another longer path on the right.

It was a long walk. 

At times, she met strangers walking back, 

she tried to look at them in the eye, 

but strangers are strangers.

Another guy asked her what she was doing, 

she nodded and smiled.

The construction was there, she almost arrived.

The place changed quite a lot since the last time she came by.

Doubts were lining up, 

but the more doubts came in, the more real it became.

She finally decided.

She went to a serene corner filled with empty seats.

She sat in the third row and said goodbye.

The last time she came and kneeled down, 

her uncle passed away.

That time she kneeled down again,

her father passed away.

Perhaps this time, her soul walked away.

Tears crawled down, and cries were echoing.

May the kind people be blessed.

She walked out through the empty aisle,

tried to find the gate keeper, but no one was around at that hour.

She looked for a cave,

yet it was too dark to find it.

She left the place.

She turned around and looked up to the sky.

It was enlightened, brighter than 45 minutes ago.

There were stars here and there.

The longer she stared at them,

her heart was consoled.

Her mind was cleared, 

and her eyes rejoiced.

She walked back home.

An hour ended.

Beyond The Untold

There is a life out there,

for those who never wanted it,

for those who never imagined it.

But I choose to end the current one,

soon.